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Hinge adds monogamy and non-monogamy labels for profiles

2023-03-19 06:18:00 author：dointy.com

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Hinge is adding a significant feature to its app: the ability to reveal the kind of relationship a person is looking for. Daters can add to their profile whether they're seeking a monogamous relationship, non-monogamy, or if they are still figuring it out.

Hinge adds monogamy and non-monogamy labels for profiles(图1)

These labels will come with the option to provide a larger "backstory" (essentially a brief description) to support the answer. This information will sit in the "virtues" section of the app.

Credit: Hinge.

What is non-monogamy?

Non-monogamy is typically referred to as "ENM," meaning ethical non-monogamy, or "CNM" consensual non-monogamy. ENM was already seeing a big rise prior to the pandemic. Dating app Feeld says more people have been exploring non-monogamy(Opens in a new tab) in the past two years, with the app reporting a 250 percent rise in monthly active users in the UK between Jan. 2021 to 2022. There are many different types of non-monogamous relationships, which typically involve having intimate relationships with multiple partners.

Michelle Parsons, chief product officer at Hinge, says in a statement, "We are empowering users to openly share what kind of relationship they are looking for, and as a result, have a new way to know if someone’s dating goals match theirs from the moment they look at their profile".

"I want [the app] to enter a new era of dating where the word 'relationship' defies traditional and heteronormative meaning," Parsons says.

SEE ALSO: Should dating apps have non-monogamy filters?

The feature is intended to increase inclusivity on the app, decrease dating fatigue by offering transparency, and speak to Gen-Z users. Hinge found that 15 percent of its Gen-Z and queer users are interested in non-monogamy or are exploring the option.

This update is the latest in a string that Hinge has offered this year, including the addition of zodiac signs, polls and videos to profiles, and the launch of a FAQ guide for LGBTQ daters.

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In South Asian culture, being single over 30 is stigmatised. These women want to change that.
In South Asian culture, being single over 30 is stigmatised. These women want to change that.
"You should look for someone new to settle down with now," a well-meaning auntie advised me in the pits of my heartbreak. Once I’d managed to swallow the lump in my throat, I was perplexed. I had just about started to feel like a human again after months of wading through tears and grief, yet the focus was completely on matching me up with someone new, a concept that was far from my mind. Although this felt hurtful at the time, what this comment perfectly encapsulated is just how much fear there is around being alone within South Asian culture.
After being in a long-term relationship for most of my adult life, everything I knew about being single came from TV shows. From the classics like Sex and the City to new classics like Insecure and the very recent Everything I Know About Love, being single seemed like a glamorous mix of highly thrilling adventures and illuminating, if not mildly awkward, encounters with strangers that could later become hilarious anecdotes to entertain your friends with. While that might be the case for some, it certainly isn’t the case for a lot of single South Asian women.
SEE ALSO: I haven't had a boyfriend for a decade. Here's what I've learned.

The remark I experienced spoke to the ever-present time limit — usually, age 30 — that ominously hangs over many brown women to secure a man for marriage. This deadline stems from the expectation to have children, which is also deeply ingrained into South Asian culture too. While this isn’t necessarily unique to the South Asian experience, our culture does disproportionately attribute women’s value on their ability to find a spouse, with consequences ranging from judgement to ostracisation. Dr. Amar Bains, a clinical psychologist with South Asian heritage, explains that South Asian culture is strongly rooted in collectivism, where there is more focus on society and togetherness instead of embracing individuality. She says "marriage therefore carries more significance. It is learned behaviour from generations, that South Asian parents often see it as their role to encourage the marriage of their children, as they see marriage as a key developmental milestone for their children to enter adulthood."
I got divorced six years ago, but I still receive so much pressure from the community to get remarried, the concept of being happy alone isn’t yet accepted.
This belief, accompanied by the fact that singledom is viewed as a ‘waiting room’ where women are simply waiting to be picked as a good marriage prospect, creates a false hierarchy within our community. Bains adds that "in the South Asian community, relationships continue to be perceived in black and white ways, either you’re married, single, or divorced. There is less tolerance in the community for courting, although this is changing." Factors for choosing to be single, such as healing from the past, wanting to focus on other aspects of your life, or not wanting to rush down the aisle with the wrong person to hit an arbitrary age target are never considered as legitimate reasons for not being in a relationship. There is a presumption from people in your life that no one thinks you will be a good wife and therefore there must be something wrong with you. This belief is especially common with those from an older generation who may have only been able to enjoy certain freedoms once married, or associate getting married with security, and therefore regard being an 'eligible' spouse as the highest achievement.
Despite the wave of pressures to 'couple up' (sorry, I’ve been watching too much Love Island) there is a whole new wave of South Asian women who are pushing back against these outdated views and using their online platforms to destigmatise what it means to be young, brown, and single.
Last year Jigna Patel(Opens in a new tab), 33, from London took to her Instagram to share her story of being divorced and single and received a phenomenal response. She created a video(Opens in a new tab) where she held up signs reading ‘32 and single’, ‘32 and divorced’, ‘32 and childless’ but ‘32 and happy.’ Jigna’s admission to being single, divorced and childless, would by South Asian cultural standards deem her a failure. In South Asia, divorce is still very much a taboo, with the divorce rates in India being lower than 1 percent,(Opens in a new tab) mostly down to the stigma and fear surrounding leaving unhappy marriages, which could see you left in a dire financial and social situation. This stigma has permeated to South Asian culture is the diaspora. Despite this, Jigna’s video was liked over 146,000 times and she received an outpouring of supportive messages from people who felt seen for the first time.
Yet, that wasn’t always the response she had received surrounding her divorce. Jigna tells Mashable that when she got divorced people would look at her in pity. She says "they would immediately speak to me about getting remarried as if that was the only thing in life that would make me happy. Over the years I’ve focused on making sure I was happy alone, but being a strong independent woman is something the South Asian community struggles with. I got divorced six years ago, but I still receive so much pressure from the community to get remarried, the concept of being happy alone isn’t yet accepted, and I do feel as though I'm treated differently because I don’t have a husband and children."
SEE ALSO: It's time to reclaim singledom as a symbol of power

She adds that "the biggest belief [in South Asian culture] is that marriage is a necessity in order to be happy in life. Being single or getting divorced is seen almost as a sin, it’s seen as rejecting the route to happiness." Jigna’s experience is partly mirrored in what Bains has seen in her practise, but there is hope that attitudes are changing: "In my work there is a mix of experiences, some clients report isolating themselves or being ostracised from their families for divorce and for some individuals their families and communities have supported them wholeheartedly."
Podcast host Preeti Kaur(Opens in a new tab), 27, has also experienced these attitudes as a single South Asian woman with the question she dreads the most from family members being ‘when are you going to get married?’ She feels questions like this are commonplace because of the belief that women only have a short window to find someone otherwise they’ll be ‘left on the shelf'.
If you do say you're single then they think it's okay to start setting you up with people they know.
She says "it's an awkward situation for sure, because if you do say you're single then they think it's okay to start setting you up with people they know. Although it can be with good intentions, a lot of these people don't know you personally enough to recommend a suitable match or don't care to ask what the woman wants out of a partner, which is really important because for so long women in our society have been seen to be the ones to cater to the needs of men, when it should be an equal partnership."
Much like Jigna, Preeti wanted to use her voice to challenge these long held beliefs. She started her podcast, It’s Preeti Personal(Opens in a new tab), to tell stories from the South Asian community and has produced episodes that tackle issues such as shame around singlehood, her personal experiences with feeling under pressure to ‘settle’ and encourages her listeners to practise self love above all else. Preeti felt the need to explore these subjects because she didn’t see her experience of being a single South Asian woman being spoken about publicly, especially in the podcast space. She says she wants people to know that they are not alone in feeling less than because of their relationship status. Preeti wants to empower people, especially women, and let them know that there is no standard timeline and you don't have to settle. She wants people to know they have a voice and that picking your partner should always be your choice.
Related Stories
- 30 incredible writers pen empowering essays of singlehood in 'Unattached'
- The weirdest year of my life made me fall in love with alone time
- Emma Watson's 'self-partnered' term elicited a very telling backlash. But it's bigger than that.
- 'Sex Bomb' celebrates the joy of embracing sexuality and love as a British-Indian Muslim woman
- It's time to reclaim singledom as a symbol of power
"Everyone has their own timeline, I love love but I have no idea when my love story with another human will start, but in the meantime I can focus on the love story I have with myself and embracing that self love," Preeti adds.
Similarly, since Jigna has opened up about her experience around her divorce and becoming single once again, she not only feels empowered herself, but hopes to empower others going through similar experiences. She even appeared on an episode of Preeti’s podcast(Opens in a new tab), where she discusses dating and dealing with family expectations post-divorce.
Jigna feels that the South Asian community attaches so much shame to being divorced or not being married by a certain age, and she hopes that by sharing her story both men and women will know that it’s completely fine to be content on your own. Jigna says: "Marriage should not be a goal by which success is measured, and I hope my page and the stories I’ve shared can help people believe that, and also give them the courage to pursue whatever does make them happy."
SEE ALSO: The history of the single positivity movement goes back further than you think

Bains reiterates that when making any life decisions it is important to step back and reflect on your own value system, to ensure that you have made a decision that is right for you, as an individual. She says: "when we act in line with our own value system, we are likely to experience better physical and emotional health."
Being single can be difficult terrain to navigate for most, but growing up in a culture where finding a partner is held up as the pinnacle of a person’s life, especially for women, can ingrain a real sense of fear and shame around being single. However, as I embark on this journey of singledom, because of people like Jigna and Preeti I feel more confident than ever to tune out the external noise. Who knows, maybe it really can be glamorous and fun, just as my favourite TV shows told me it could be.
Stay healthy and hydrated this socially distanced summer
Stay healthy and hydrated this socially distanced summer
You Got This is a series that spotlights the gear you need to improve one area of your life. If you buy something from this post, we may earn an affiliate commission.
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Get fruity
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OkCupid launches Im Vaccinated badges in time for hot vaxxed summer
OkCupid launches Im Vaccinated badges in time for hot vaxxed summer
Want your matches to know you're ready for Hot Vaxxed Summer? OkCupid will let you add a new "I'm Vaccinated" badge to your profile.
OkCupid is teaming up with the White House to boost vaccinations in the U.S. and daters who make use of the badges will receive a free "boost" on their profiles.
Daters will also be added to OkCupid's "Vaccinated Stack" which lets people select profiles based on certain categories. You'll be able to use the badges from May 24, and the stack feature will launch at the start of June.
SEE ALSO: Young people don't actually want a 'hot vaxxed summer'

Vaccines are getting a lot of attention on the apps these days. According to OkCupid data, mentions of the phrase "I'm vaccinated" increased over 1,400 percent in dating profile in May compared to January. According to the data, millennials and Gen Z are more likely than Gen X to cancel a date with someone who didn't want to get vaccinated.

Credit: okcupid

Ariel Charytan, chief executive officer at OkCupid, said in a statement, "While our users have continued to connect virtually over the past year, they’re really eager to return to in-person dating as the summer approaches — and we want to help them make those connections safely."
Antibodies AND a date? Gotta love science.
10 best places to find dating, sex, and relationship advice
10 best places to find dating, sex, and relationship advice
For many people, dating can feel like one of the most challenging things in the entire world, to put it bluntly.
Modern-day technology has changed the game. The explosion of dating apps, from Tinder and eHarmony, offer seemingly endless options. But with this new convenience comes the stress of creating the perfect online dating profile, the tricky game of messaging a person you've never met, and a whole host of other complex issues. And, as if dating wasn't hard enough already, the single people of the world now have to do it with the added stress of safely navigating a global pandemic.
But you are not alone! The dating world is challenging ... which is why a bunch of helpful dating resources exist. It's totally OK to seek out help from experts, books, advice columns, apps, podcasts, and more.
It can be hard to sort through all the bad dating advice out there and find the good stuff that can actually help you navigate your way to a successful relationship. That's why we've compiled this list outlining 10 ways to find the best dating, sex, and relationship advice.
1. Therapy and dating advice apps
If you're searching for some professional advice, or just looking for someone to open up to, consider using a therapy or dating advice app.
Mashable has researched seven of the best therapy apps available for download, which include Talkspace(Opens in a new tab) and 7 Cups(Opens in a new tab). Other apps, like Relish(Opens in a new tab), ReGain(Opens in a new tab), and Mindsail,(Opens in a new tab) offer dating and relationship-focused coaching and counseling.
Tweet may have been deleted (opens in a new tab) (Opens in a new tab)

2. Online sex ed resources
Emotional intimacy is one thing, but for many people physically intimacy with a new person is daunting. It's a big part of any romantic relationship, but it's not something everyone has a lot of experience in. That's why it's important to have trusted sex ed resources on hand. Sex advice is especially beneficial for young people who might not feel comfortable asking others for help.
As part of Mashable's Sex Ed 2.0 series, we published this list of 20 sex ed resources — from apps like Tabú(Opens in a new tab) and Real Talk(Opens in a new tab) to organizations such as Get Smart b4 U Get Sexy(Opens in a new tab) and TIA(Opens in a new tab) — that you can access online.
3. Advice columns
Sometimes the best dating advice comes from asking a seasoned advice-giver about your specific situation. Online columns are perfect for this approach. You can submit your own questions in hopes of receiving a response; you can also learn a lot just by reading responses to other people.
There are a bunch of great general and dating-specific advice columns out there. Here are a few to get you started.
- "Dear Prudence," Slate(Opens in a new tab)
- "Ask Polly," (Opens in a new tab)The Cut(Opens in a new tab)(Opens in a new tab)
- Carolyn Hax, Washington Post(Opens in a new tab)(Opens in a new tab)
- "Ask Amy,"(Opens in a new tab) (Opens in a new tab)Chicago Tribune(Opens in a new tab)
- "(Opens in a new tab)Social Q's," (Opens in a new tab)New York Times(Opens in a new tab)
- "Asking for a Friend," The Nation(Opens in a new tab)
- Captain Awkward(Opens in a new tab)
4. Expert-run websites
Some people prefer a more expansive selection of resources that are specifically focused on the dating game. That's where expert-run websites come in handy.
Often, individual therapists, authors, speakers, and or life/relationship coaches — such as Gigi Engel(Opens in a new tab), Esther Perel(Opens in a new tab), and Hayley Quinn(Opens in a new tab) — have websites that not only keep you up-to-date on their work, but also include online resources and blogs for you to check out. Psychology Today(Opens in a new tab) has a "Dating and Mating" category that focuses on "the social psychology of attraction and romantic relationships."
You can also browse your favorite dating site or dating app for answers to your burning questions. Some apps, like Hinge(Opens in a new tab), offer ideas on ways to make your online dating experience more enjoyable and also to make your dating profile more effective.
Related Video: How to go on a virtual date during the coronavirus pandemic

5. Texting services for teens
As part of Mashable's Sex Ed 2.0 series, we also looked into helpful digital tools that teens can use to ask sex ed questions or seek guidance related to serious relationship topics, such as unplanned pregnancies. Here are three noteworthy services.
- Planned Parenthood's Chat/Text Program(Opens in a new tab): A team of trained health educators are available online and via text from morning to night(Opens in a new tab) to advise on questions related to pregnancy, birth control, abortion, sex, health and wellness, and sexually transmitted infections.
A look at Planned Parenthood's chat program. Credit: screengrab / plannedparenthood.org
- Jane's Due Process(Opens in a new tab): This nonprofit organization works to help minors in Texas answer questions about how to access birth control or have an abortion. Jane's Due Process also provides free attorneys to young people who need assistance with the abortion process.
- Planned Parenthood's Roo: If you're 13 or older, you can also reach out to Planned Parenthood's chatbot, Roo,(Opens in a new tab) to privately ask questions about bodies, sex, and relationships. Roo is available 24/7 to answer everything from "How do I tell someone I like them?" to "Does it hurt to have sex for the first time?" and more.
6. YouTube videos
If there's an expert that you particularly admire, such as Esther Perel, try searching YouTube for some helpful videos. Perel, for example, has her own YouTube channel(Opens in a new tab) where she holds Q&A sessions, gives relationship advice, and more. But there are also a variety of videos, including several TED Talks(Opens in a new tab), that feature her speaking on the site.

YouTube is full of relationship advice if you search for it. Here are a few suggestions.
- Anna Akana(Opens in a new tab): YouTuber, actress, comedian, and author Anna Akana has a fun channel that she uses to share relationship advice. She's made videos to address everything from sexting(Opens in a new tab) and bad relationship behaviors(Opens in a new tab) to dating profiles(Opens in a new tab) and more.
- Stephan Speaks(Opens in a new tab): Dating/relationship expert and life coach Stephan Labossiere(Opens in a new tab) uses his YouTube channel to give advice on finding a life partner, intimacy, and dating.
- Matthew Hussey(Opens in a new tab): You may know Hussey as a dating coach, the author of Get the Guy(Opens in a new tab), or a matchmaker from NBC's 2013 series Ready for Love, but Hussey also has a YouTube channel where he regularly uploads videos full of tips and advice on dating, communicating, and more.
- AMAZE(Opens in a new tab): This animated YouTube series was created to answer questions from teens and help them learn about relationships and sex ed.
- lacigreen(Opens in a new tab): Online sex educator (and author of Sex Plus(Opens in a new tab)) Laci Green's YouTube channel is here to break down and talk you through everything from masturbating and orgasms, to consent, genders, and more. Though Green announced a break from YouTube a few months ago, her videos remain and are a great starting point for anyone who wants to learn.
7. Dating advice podcasts
Reading advice columns or talking to other people about your personal life isn't for everyone. If you prefer to sit back and listen to other people discuss their own experiences, give dating-related podcasts a try. Here are a few suggestions to get you started:
- Dear Prudence(Opens in a new tab)
- Why Won't You Date Me?(Opens in a new tab)
- Dating Sucks(Opens in a new tab)
- Ghost Stories: A Podcast by Hinge(Opens in a new tab)
- Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel(Opens in a new tab)
- Anna Faris Is Unqualified(Opens in a new tab)
- Love Is Like a Plant(Opens in a new tab)
- Paging Dr. Nerdlove(Opens in a new tab)
- Relationship Advice(Opens in a new tab)
- Dear Sugars(Opens in a new tab)
- Modern Love(Opens in a new tab)
8. Dating and relationship books
If you'd rather learn about online dating, sex, and how to have a better relationship offline, allow the internet to steer you in the direction of some helpful books on those topics. Here are some online suggestions for the best offline reading material. And remember, you can always dig through lists, like Amazon's Dating Best Sellers(Opens in a new tab), for additional guidance.
- Why Men Love Bitches(Opens in a new tab) by Sherry Argov
- Relationship Goals: How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex(Opens in a new tab) by Michael Todd
- Meeting Your Half-Orange(Opens in a new tab) by Amy Spencer
- How to Date Men When You Hate Men(Opens in a new tab) by Blythe Roberson
- All the F*cking Mistakes(Opens in a new tab): A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life(Opens in a new tab) by Gigi Engle
- Ask a Queer Chick: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life for Girls Who Dig Girls(Opens in a new tab) by Lindsay King-Miller
9. Sex, relationship, and dating advice subreddits
If you're not looking for advice from actual experts, Reddit may be the perfect place for you. There are a bunch of subreddits — such as r/relationship_advice(Opens in a new tab), r/relationships(Opens in a new tab), r/dating_advice(Opens in a new tab), r/dating(Opens in a new tab), r/sex(Opens in a new tab), and r/BreakUps(Opens in a new tab) —where you can converse with other Reddit users and share personal experiences or questions you have related to dating, sex, and relationships.
There are also more general advice subreddits like r/Advice(Opens in a new tab), r/AskReddit(Opens in a new tab), r/CasualConversation(Opens in a new tab) and r/TooAfraidToAsk(Opens in a new tab) where you can go to ask any questions you have. If you're looking to discuss a specific topic that isn't listed here, you can always search the platform, browse the directory(Opens in a new tab), or hop into r/findareddit(Opens in a new tab) to ask for guidance.
10. A few unlikely sources
If you ever feel like you've reached complete dating scene overload and need to take a step back and regroup, try checking out some lighthearted, unlikely sources of wisdom.
See what astrology apps like Co-Star(Opens in a new tab) have to say about your love life; binge some dating-related TikToks; watch movies or TV shows that focus heavily on dating; search for some unqualified celebrity advice(Opens in a new tab); or check out r/AmItheAsshole(Opens in a new tab) to focus on other people's relationships and learn what not to do.
Whether you're a single person who wants to enrich your dating life, someone looking to turn a first date into a second date or you're a couple who fell in love at first sight and now need to turn it into a long-lasting and healthy relationship, there's no shame in asking for help. Love takes some serious effort to maintain, and while these resources can go a long way, it's important to take time for yourself, too, and remember not to stress. Good luck out there, everyone.
Why Instagram keeps serving me an ad for what looks like a pile of fossilized poo
Why Instagram keeps serving me an ad for what looks like a pile of fossilized poo
Of the dozens of Instagram ads I viewed in the past few weeks, one made me do a double take every time.
Mostly, because it contains what looks like a pile of poo.
Like, fossilized poo. A bit crumbly. Or dirt clods. Or ... something brown? And definitely not attractive.
Here it is:

Yep, this definitely caught my eye. Credit: screenshot: rachel kraus

Instagram ads are usually polished and pretty. This stood out for the obvious reason that it is none of those things, but also because it was completely mysterious. It had no caption describing what I was seeing — just the price, and the assertion that I had "great taste," and that it had caught my eye. Uh, yeah it had!
So, I lingered. I scrutinized. I screen-shotted. And ultimately, I clicked.
The Pile of Poo Ad™ took me on a journey into the hidden world of Facebook's advertising algorithms — how they decide what to show us, and how they sometimes fail. And, yes, I did eventually learn where the ad came from.
"Facebook is trying to decide if this is relevant," Carter Baker, associate director of digital media at creative agency The Many(Opens in a new tab), said. "Facebook thinks it is. You clicked the ad, you spent time on the website, you took screenshots, or you probably saved it. The ad, the machine learning, now thinks this is a high engagement product. But it's not smart enough to know that a human would say, 'Oh, that's because it looks like something... different.'"
Baker's best guess is that it's a Facebook Dynamic Ad(Opens in a new tab) programmed to serve product images from Wayfair's catalogue in a carousel of images. (Facebook later confirmed it was a dynamic ad.) On Facebook's page explaining the dynamic advertising product, Wayfair is even showcased in a promotional video.

Wayfair is definitely using Facebook's Dynamic Advertising product. Credit: screenshot: facebook

Facebook's website, and Baker, explained that these ads are an automated way for Facebook advertising clients to get their products in front of Instagram users. Brands upload a product catalogue, which allows Facebook to automatically ingest product images, and other data like prices, into its advertising system. In the case of the pile o' poo ad, it displayed multiple product images in one carousel. Baker said a telltale sign of these sorts of ads is a product image on a white background.
A person isn't choosing the products for these types of ads. Facebook's machine learning engine picks out the products that it thinks would be most likely to result in a click, and ultimately a sale.
There are a lot of factors that go into populating these ads — especially the all-important lead image, which has to grab a scroller's attention.
"Dynamic ads or more or less an evolution of retargeting," Baker said. "Wayfair might have tens of thousands of products in their catalog, so dynamic ads serve the product that their users have either seen before, or a product that it thinks the user is going to potentially be interested in."
Retargeting means showing a person a product in an ad that they've already viewed on a website. You know when you check out a pair of shoes online, and then you see an ad for that exact same pair of shoes on social media or at the top of an unrelated website? That's retargeting, which is often enabled by a piece of Facebook code companies add to their websites.
The second, third, and fourth time I was served the Pile of Poo ad, retargeting was definitely what was going on. But what about the first time? Baker said I probably saw the ad because other people had the same puzzled reaction I did.
Facebook's automated systems likely noticed that this product had high "dwell time," which means people spent a lot of time looking at it. People were probably also curious about what the heck this actually was. All of that engagement led the ad engine to believe that this was a popular product that other people would likely also be interested in.
"Many people probably see this product and are like, 'Wow, what the heck is that? That looks like poo,' so Facebook thinks that it's a highly interactive ad," Baker said.
Many people probably see this product and are like, "Wow, what the heck is that? That looks like poo."
Essentially, the main reason I was served the ad was because people similar to me, or people in my extended network, stopped and looked at the ad, too.
Facebook said that dynamic ads can reach "people who have not yet purchased from a business or visited their website but may have shown interest in the types of products or services the business is offering."
So, what is the pile of poo? It turns out it's... firewood! Irish firewood(Opens in a new tab), to be precise. You can totally see it once you know what it is. But the fact that it had no descriptive caption made the product all the more enticing.

An unfortunate resemblance. Credit: screenshot: instagram

I asked Baker if he thought this ad was a success, or a failure. Because it did not actually lead to a sale, and because I was not actually interested in purchasing firewood online, Baker thought it was a failure.
However, in a way, the firewood ad actually shows Facebook advertising working exactly the way it is supposed to. As Baker said, it thinks this is a "high engagement product." And it did result in me looking at the product, and going to the website — where I ultimately scrolled through other products.
It also managed to cut through the noise of Instagram. I truly could not tell you what the last ad I saw on Instagram was. But this ad made me notice Wayfair again and again and again. I'd scroll, I'd see the pile, I'd double take and dwell. Eventually I'd click. I'd call that a success.
Facebook couldn't tell that people were dwelling on the ad simply because they thought it was weird or funny. But it did know that people were looking. Truly, this ad showcases the pros, and the pitfalls, of automated advertising.
"Machine learning is powerful," Baker said. "But it's also got blind spots."
I haven't seen the firewood ad in a while now. Maybe it gave up on me, seeing that I visited the firewood a handful of times without making a purchase. Baker thinks this is likely, and that it's a sign of Facebook advertising self-correcting.
"Eventually, Facebook will learn that no one's buying anything," Baker said. "Right now it's like, people are stopping on it. But eventually they will recognize that no one's actually doing anything afterwards. And so this ad will then fall into darkness and not be shown anymore."
The firewood may be gone, but a new ad has risen. Last night, I saw a Wayfair ad for a truly inscrutable object: An $800 pile of velvet flowers that honestly looked like a stack of intricately embroidered Jewish prayer caps called kippahs.

Definitely prettier than a pile of dirt clods. But no less confusing. Credit: screenshot: INstagram

Turns out, it's a floor pouf(Opens in a new tab).
UPDATE: June 1, 2021, 1:19 p.m. EDT This article was updated with more information from Facebook.
Prince Harry joins the U.S. work force to...fight misinformation?
Prince Harry joins the U.S. work force to...fight misinformation?
Finally, Prince Harry, the millionaire(Opens in a new tab) Duke of Sussex, is getting to work.
The self-exiled prince is joining the Aspen Institute's Commission on Information Disorder as a commissioner, the Institute announced on Monday(Opens in a new tab). He's joining 14 other commissioners and three co-chairs — journalist Katie Couric, Color of Change president Rashad Robinson, and former director of the U.S. Cybersecurity and Infrastructure Security Agency, Chris Krebs. The group will help conduct a six-month study on the state of misinformation and disinformation in the U.S., according to CNN(Opens in a new tab).
"Powered by algorithms and shared ideologies, people often get affirmation instead of information, where facts are manipulated if not completely ignored," Couric said in a statement about the new commission. "This 'truth decay' is a tremendous threat, not only to a well informed electorate, but to democracy itself."
It might sound odd for the former Duke of Sussex to help study misinformation, but it's something he's been outspoken about in recent months. In a January interview with Fast Company(Opens in a new tab), he said that "time is running out" for social media companies to address misinformation.
"We have seen time and again what happens when the real-world cost of misinformation is disregarded."
"We have seen time and again what happens when the real-world cost of misinformation is disregarded," he said, highlighting the role that social media platforms played in the U.S. Capitol riots and the treatment of the Rohingya population in Myanmar. "There is no way to downplay this."
So he's joining the Aspen Institute — a massive nonprofit that's received funding from Facebook(Opens in a new tab), one of the very social media platforms he worries isn't doing enough to stop the spread of misinformation — to fight that misinformation.
When Harry isn't fighting misinformation, he'll be working as the chief impact officer at BetterUp Inc., a San Francisco-based health tech company that offers mental health coaching, the former royal announced Tuesday.
"First of all, I am really excited to be joining the BetterUp team and community! Thanks for having me," Harry wrote in a Tuesday BetterUp Inc. blog post(Opens in a new tab). "I firmly believe that focusing on and prioritizing our mental fitness unlocks potential and opportunity that we never knew we had inside of us. As the Royal Marine Commandos say, 'It’s a state of mind.' We all have it in us."
This comes just weeks after the Duke and his wife Meghan, Duchess of Sussex, moved to California and told Oprah Winfrey about why they stepped down from their senior roles in the British royal family. Part of the reasoning, he and Meghan said, was because of his own experiences with the media and Meghan's struggle with mental health.
Disclosure: The writer of this story was a Gwen Ifill Scholar at the 2019 Aspen Ideas Festival.
Related Video: How to recognize and avoid fake news
Melanias f*cking Christmas decorations, ranked
Melanias f*cking Christmas decorations, ranked
We regret to inform Melania Trump that it is once again time to give a fuck about Christmas.
Excuse my foul language. I try not to swear, but I'm simply quoting America's first lady herself, who is — understandably — sick and tired of working her ass off to decorate the White House for Christmas while her husband's presidency goes up in flames.
Since December 2017, Melania has received the White House Christmas tree and later unveiled the residence's elaborate decorations, which she spends months planning. It's a tradition that's always seemed to bring the first lady joy, until it was revealed in October 2020 that she low-key hates the responsibility.
Audio tapes of Melania(Opens in a new tab), which were secretly recorded in the summer of 2018 by her former friend and senior adviser Stephanie Winston Wolkoff, caught the first lady channeling her inner Grinch. In the recordings, which were aired during an October episode of CNN's Anderson Cooper 360, the first lady can be heard saying, "I'm working ... my ass off on the Christmas stuff, that you know, who gives a fuck about the Christmas stuff and decorations? But I need to do it, right?"
"OK, and then I do it and I say that I'm working on Christmas and planning for the Christmas and they said, 'Oh, what about the children that they were separated?' Give me a fucking break," Melania continued.
All of this is to say that despite Melania's hatred for fucking decorating, Christmas is fucking approaching again — the nerve! So this year, in honor of Melania's final White House Christmas, we revisited the past decorations that gave her so much grief.
Here are four years of Melania's fucking Christmas decorations, ranked from Be Worst to Be Best.
4. The blood trees of 2018

There's no doubt about it: The worst Christmas decorations of the Trump White House were the blood trees of 2018. Many of you have likely blocked out the memory, but that year the halls were decked in large blood red cones that looked like they were plucked straight out of The Shining.
The decoration theme for 2018(Opens in a new tab) was "American Treasures" and the goal was allegedly to "honor the unique heritage of America," but I think that got a bit lost in translation among the towering trees that looked like Handmaid's Tale capes, a casual bowl of artichokes, and other confusing "Be Best" decorations.
While some rooms were charming, people simply couldn't recover from the cursed image of Melania walking through that threatening red hall.
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The red trees were so heavily criticized that Melania even had to publicly come to their defense.
"We are in 21st century and everybody has a different taste," Melania said during an appearance at Liberty University. "I think they look fantastic."
3. The final effing 2020 effort

The highly anticipated 2020 White House decorations were revealed on Nov. 30, and you know what? They're not as bad as they could have and should have been.
I was secretly hoping that Melania would use this final unveiling to truly express herself and her inner "who gives a fuck about the Christmas stuff" spirit. She could have gone OFF with fully black decor or perhaps dedicated a room to that sorry little Charlie Brown tree and that hideous leg lamp from A Christmas Story, but no. She did her best to keep things normal.
Melania's 2020 decorations embody the theme "America the Beautiful" and feature a tree filled with ornaments dedicated to children around the country, which is nice. The color scheme is red and black, which I wholeheartedly believe is the first lady's attempt at emo decorations, and the blood red tree hall of 2018 is now lined with large plants in black pots. It's a pretty depressing and not very Christmas-y hall if you ask me, but it doesn't look like a horror movie this time, which is a plus.
It's crucial to note that the glittery, fake snow-covered hospital decoration that received a close-up in this video, is deeply insulting (considering the fact that Trump administration has not taken the coronavirus seriously and as a result America now has more than 265,000 related deaths(Opens in a new tab)). Ultimately though, Melania sucking it up and organizing the decorations one last time when we all know she hates it deserves the smallest bit of credit. So 2020 is not ranked last.
2. The "hell on Earth" hall of 2017

The potted plants are not great, but let's talk about how spooky that blood tree hall was decorated back in 2017.
In 2017, Melania chose to line the walls with towering bunches of white twigs. While the branches weren't quite as terrifying as the red cones that succeeded them, they were definitely a bold move. In her defense, the bare trees were gorgeous during the daylight, and the whole White Christmas theme she had going was pretty classy. But at night, when the White House lights dimmed and spotlights illuminated the hall, the trees unfortunately took on big Nightmare Before Christmas vibes.
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Melania's official 2017 decoration theme(Opens in a new tab) was "Time-Honored Traditions." And while she set out to "pay respect to 200 years of holiday traditions at the White House," she ended up creating a hall that looked like it was straight out of Malfoy Manor.
1. Christmas in July, 2019

No matter how good Melania's 2020 Christmas decorations were, they were never going to top the 2019 decorations in my mind. Why? Because the 2019 decorations are the ones Melania chose to tweet about on JULY 24, while the American people were glued to their television screens watching former special counsel Robert Mueller's first hearing on Capitol Hill.
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Melania's decision to fire off a Christmas in July tweet about decorations — in attempt to distract the country from hating on her family or show that she simply didn't care about her husband enough to watch the Mueller drama unfold — was honestly such a flex.
The official 2019 theme(Opens in a new tab) was "The Spirit of America," and you know what? The decorations looked pretty darn good. It seems all those extra months of planning really made a difference.
Though there's no way of knowing how the Biden family will deck the halls in December 2021, one thing's for sure: Once Melania leaves, Christmas in the White House will never be the fucking same.
Related Video: Keegan-Michael Key, Phylicia Rashad, and Anika Noni Rose on representation in holiday films
How to host a Passover seder on Zoom
How to host a Passover seder on Zoom
For the second year in a row, people celebrating Passover will find themselves with an addition to their seder tables: a laptop, tablet, or smartphone, used to connect with friends and family over a group video chat.
Passover is the eight-day Jewish festival that celebrates themes of springtime and freedom, centered on retelling the biblical story of the Jews' liberation from slavery in Egypt. The holiday is an extremely social one: It involves gathering with friends and family over a religious meal called a seder that's filled with prayer, story, symbolic ritual, and — of course — good food.
But like so many would-be gatherings since COVID-19 forced us all to social distance, Passover will once again be different this year. Social distancing orders put in place to stop the spread of COVID-19 make getting together for Passover with people outside of your own home an unadvisable health hazard. (Unless you've all been fully vaccinated(Opens in a new tab).)
In the Passover spirit of making the most of the time and resources you have under difficult circumstances — the holiday's main edible symbol, a cracker-like bread called matzah, stands for exactly this — some Jews are turning to another object of necessity to celebrate the holiday this year: video conference calling.
"Many Jews in North America, Israel, and around the globe are engaging in Zoom and other platforms for Passover seders," Rabbi Rachel Sabath Beit-Halachmi, the content director at Our Common Destiny(Opens in a new tab), an organization which seeks to unite the global Jewish community around common values, said. "Passover has developed over the centuries, and its rituals, texts, and core ideas are evolving and developing now in this crisis in very powerful ways."
A strict interpretation of Jewish law prohibits the use of electronics during some holidays, including Passover. However, not all Jews follow those customs. The leadership of the Conservative branch of Judaism has said(Opens in a new tab), regarding streamed seders, that leniency should be allowed during challenging times. (Conservatives, despite the name, espouse a more flexible interpretation of certain Jewish laws compared to groups like the Orthodox and Chabad, although they are stricter than liberal movements like Reform.) More religious Jews are connecting over video chat before the holiday actually begins, too.
"I've seen many people planning pre-Seder connects(Opens in a new tab)," Rabbi Mordechai Lightstone, the social media editor for Chabad.org, which offers educational information about Judaism, said. "So using that time to get dressed for the holiday, practice the four questions, share family memories and stories. After the call is done, everyone can light the holiday candles and get set for the evening itself."
If you're comfortable using technology during a seder, there are a few things you can do to not only make the seder run smoothly, but have it be uniquely meaningful, and memorable. Mashable consulted with multiple Jewish leaders and guides about how to pull it off.
"Our rituals and celebrations can’t be stopped by unfortunate circumstances," Rabbi Rachel Grant Meyer, the Rabbi-in-Residence at HIAS, a refugee-aid nonprofit, and author of the HIAS Haggadah(Opens in a new tab), said. "We will always find a way to come together and to keep our traditions alive, even if not in exactly the way to which we are accustomed."
Here's a guide on how to host or participate in a seder over Zoom.
1. Leadership planning
From cooking to singing, hosting and attending an in-person seder takes a lot of preparation. A virtual one is no exception. If you are planning to "host" a seder, it's a good idea to have a pre-planning phone call with other attendee stakeholders to work out some key details. Those are:
- Which video chatting platform to use? For the purposes of this article, we're going to assume Zoom because it is affordable, allows for a grid view of many participants, and is free and easy to use for attendees. However, here are some other options, specifically with better privacy track records.
- Who is going to be the seder leader? This is the person who will guide the order and discussion of the night.
- Who is going to be in charge of the technical details? David Ackerman, a senior vice president at the JCC Association of North America(Opens in a new tab), recommends that attendees "assign someone other than the leader of the seder to be in charge of Zoom." That way one person can be in charge of tech and troubleshooting (and will need to have a Zoom subscription, if they anticipate it going longer than 40 minutes), while the leader can focus on the actual content.
- What Haggadah will you use, and how will you distribute it? There are multiple online Haggadot(Opens in a new tab), that you can either send out to attendees ahead of time, or display as a screen share over Zoom. Whichever way you go, just make sure everyone has access to a copy.
- How will you represent the contents of a seder plate? In order to go through the full symbols of the seder, all the objects should be represented. But not every person has to have all of them IRL. Who will be in charge of "bringing" what?
- How will you manage communication? Will everyone be on mute, or will you allow people to interject in some way (you could make use of the Zoom "hand raise" function)(Opens in a new tab)?
- What is the scope of the seder? Your Zoom seder might be abbreviated or different from the whole enchilada, cover-to-cover seder you might typically do — or it might not. "It is important to define the purpose of your seder, and then use that as a guide to figure out what you'll actually do," Rabbi Charlie Schwartz, director of content development at The Center for Jewish and Israel Education at Hillel International, said. "Your purpose could be anything from connecting with family to reading from the entire Haggadah to hearing certain songs sung." With other seder leaders, establish your goals, and then make your roadmap from there.
2. Planning for everyone
Once you have made these key decisions, it's time to communicate them to all of your guests. Send out an email ahead of time with the following details:
- Details: Include the date, time, and how to log on. To ensure privacy, set a password and distribute it ahead of time.
- Etiquette: Set expectations and a process for how to participate, whether that's using Zoom's hand raising function, that people are going to be muted and then unmuted when called upon, or if your'e opting for some good old free-for-all chaos (this one is not exactly recommended).
- Agenda: Give people an overview of the purpose of the seder, and what it will encompass.
- The Haggadah: Make sure people know how to follow along.
- Assign roles: If you can assign different guests to lead different parts of the seder, that can help everyone feel connected. "Give each person, if at all possible, a line or two to read to allow for maximal participation, or mute all and encourage people to do their own blessings wherever they are," suggests Rabbi Rachel Sabath Beit-Halachmi.
- Set a dress code: This can be a fun way to add a sense of occasion. "Make it as special as you can, no sweats or pajamas," Rabbi Irving A. Elson, the director of the JWB (Jewish Welfare Board) Jewish Chaplains Council(Opens in a new tab), said. "Zoom or not, it IS a holy time."
- Send a shopping list: Let people know what they should have on hand so they can participate in the rituals you have decided to do.
- Distribute any other resources: Will you be setting a custom background? Discussing any specific articles?
3. Do a technical dry run
The person in charge of Zoom should try to connect with each attendee ahead of time to make sure they're familiar with the platform. If everyone can try logging on at the same time to avoid technical difficulties on the night of, that's ideal. But some people may need one-on-one help, too.
4. Address the elephant (laptop) in the room.
During a Passover, every object on the table has symbolic, ritualistic, or tradition-imbued meaning. The Jewish leaders consulted for this piece were not all in agreement about how much emphasis should be placed on the tech. But in the dialogical spirit of Passover, addressing the reality of the technology could be a powerful way to begin discussion of the Passover story.
"The question that kicks off the entire seder is "why is this night different from all others?" David Ackerman said. "Most people will have a ready answer to that question. The more interesting question is, 'How does the inability to gather in person for this year's seder provide us with new insights into the essence of the Passover story?'"
It could also serve as a poignant lens through which to see the night's themes and various rituals.
"The whole idea of matzah is that we make something out of nothing – if our dough doesn’t have time to rise, we strap it to our back and eat it unleavened," Rabbi Rachel Grant Meyer said. "Similarly, I see the presence of a computer screen as making abundance out of what could have seemed like nothing."
Related Video: Here’s how to change your Zoom background

5. Keep Order
Try your darndest to stick to the mute vs. unmute etiquette you set out in the planning emails. Reiterate the expectations and make sure people are clear on how the night is going to run. Since video chatting is a bit complicated with a night of discussion and music, here's what Rabbi Schwartz recommends for keeping everything running smoothly during the singing portions of the night — seder does mean "order," after all!
Singing together is one of the highlights of the seder, but most video conferencing platforms have a good amount of lag time between when a person speaks and when it's heard by the other participants making singing together a challenge. Try having everyone but the song leader sing along on mute, this will give the joy of singing as a group, but without the frustration of everyone being one second off.
Then again, there are also Zoom choirs(Opens in a new tab) flourishing in our time of social distancing, so singing together — virtually — can be done. If raising your voices together trumps well-ordered harmony, have at it.
Here are some tips from Rabbi Rachel Sabath Beit-Halachmi on keeping people engaged, but also making the seder orderly...enough.
Have a leader for each section, if not for the whole. Assign roles for participants, and unmute only those speaking, and unmute all only for cacophony — and to hear the sounds of all at certain points and at the beginning and end.
6. Document
If the circumstances of this year's seder seem extraordinary, that's because they are. Designate a person to take screengrabs, keep notes, or write memories of the night.
"This is a moment we’re never going to forget," Jason Leivenberg, the director of NuRoots(Opens in a new tab), which focuses on creating community for Jews in their 20s and 30s, at the Jewish Federation of Great Los Angeles, said. "In light of what the holiday calls on us to do, which is remember, how are we going to document this for generations?"
7. Have patience, and let it be.
Many memorable seders include an element of chaos. And with a big change this year, accepting that the evening might contain bumps in the road, or feel different, will help everyone make the most of their time.
"There’s gotta be a layer, a level, of being patient with each other during the actual dinner," Leivenberg said. "I think the sooner that we can embrace that it’s just going to be different, the more fun we can have, and the more we can actually also take it seriously."
SEE ALSO: How to start living your best Zoom party life

8. Turn towards the future
The Passover seder ends with the refrain "Next year in Jerusalem." As we all make sacrifices to help flatten the curve and fight coronavirus, at seder this year, many Jewish leaders said we can also include a hope for "next year in person."
We can also consider what Jews' ability to gather — if remotely — during this time, shows us about our past, and our future.
"At its core, the story of Passover is about the journey from slavery to freedom, from difficult circumstances to a better future," Rabbi Schwartz said. "Jews have told this story at every period of our history. During times of abundance and freedom, the seder has helped orient us to the needs of others, while in difficult times the seder has grounded us in the hope that, 'this too shall pass.' This year, the prevalence of virtual seders can not only connect us to those who are isolated but also provide a hopeful reminder that we too are on a journey toward freedom."
Amen to that, and Happy Passover.
This story was initially published on April 6, 2020, but was updated on March 26, 2021.
Flex your date-from-home game with Edible Arrangements
Flex your date-from-home game with Edible Arrangements
No matter how crazy you are about someone, being with them 24/7 for six months can definitely dampen the spark. How can you keep the sexy vibes going in these times? Reinvent date night! A tasty meal, your cozy sofa, a movie, and these delish concoctions from Edible Arrangements(Opens in a new tab) will help keep the stay-at-home love alive.
Order online from their dizzying array of pretty food (edible fruit flowers, anyone?) and have it delivered or pick it up. Edible Arrangements offers free delivery on select products throughout the year, so be sure to check their site(Opens in a new tab) for the latest deals.
Here are a few delectable picks that make us swoon, plus a few date-night tips:
After dinner, break out the fondue

When I dip, you dip, we dip Credit: Edible Arrangements

Whether you’re cooking for your live-in partner or having someone new over for dinner, stare into each other’s eyes from across your kitchen table and then dive into a wickedly decadent dessert. This Edible Arrangements Chocolate Strawberry Dipping Kit ($39.99, normally $49.99)(Opens in a new tab) will do the trick. With succulent strawberries, Edible’s® Dipping Chocolate, and toppings like mini sequin sprinkles and crushed almonds, it’s sexy as heck.
Sip wine and nibble on fancy mini cheesecakes

Credit: Edible Arrangements

Not into cooking for date night? No problem. Just cork the vino, light the candles, and devour the Edible Arrangements Cheesecake with Chocolate-Dipped Fruit Box ($37.99).(Opens in a new tab) The single-serving cheesecakes are airy yet rich and topped with scrumptious fruit and whipped cream. A side trio of chocolate-dipped fruits seals the deal.
Upgrade your movie snacks

Credit: Edible Arrangements

No date night is complete without a movie. Your home-theater advantage also means you can stuff your face with any snacks you want. This Edible Arrangements Pineapple Curry Popcorn Bundle ($46.98)(Opens in a new tab) has Maddy and Maize™ Thai curry popcorn, pineapple chocolate-chip cookies and chocolate-dipped cookies. If you’re not smitten yet, you will be by the time the credits roll.
Creators say YouTube Shorts has a transphobia problem
Creators say YouTube Shorts has a transphobia problem
YouTube is high on the success of YouTube Shorts, a short-form video offering they introduced in September 2020(Opens in a new tab) to compete with TikTok. In June, Shorts had more than 1.5 billion monthly users. And last month, YouTube announced new monetization opportunities for the format, a move that indicated that it was becoming big business for YouTube and a viable revenue source for creators.
However, reports of users being shown transphobic Shorts are spreading across other social media platforms. YouTube users say transphobic videos are appearing on their feeds among seemingly unrelated content. The largest call out has come from one of the platform's oldest, most-respected, and prolific creators, Hank Green:
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SEE ALSO: Why did YouTube spotlight a scammer and an accused abuser at its latest event?

Shorts is the default tab in the YouTube app, which means it's the first thing you see when you open it. Users have been noting how being confronted with that kind of content makes them feel:
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YouTube has historically struggled to moderate hate and misinformation. Recently Jessie Earl, a trans YouTube creator, has been vocal(Opens in a new tab) about YouTube flagging a video critiquing anti-trans comments from YouTuber Matt Walsh. Earl argues that Walsh’s videos promote anti-trans rhetoric and have not received similar treatment.
But some users are shocked by just how prevalent transphobic content is on Shorts, and how hard it is to get rid of it. One Redditor claims(Opens in a new tab), "A solid half of the videos recommended to me are intensely transphobic. I hit 'don’t recommend me this channel,' but it doesn’t seem to work."
Like TikTok, the Shorts recommendation algorithm feeds content to the user in an endless scroll. A user might not click on a transphobic long-form YouTube video, but they aren't given that same choice when spoon-fed a 15-second video in the Shorts tab.
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Mashable has reached out to YouTube for comment.